post abortion

In the summer months of May and June we have an opportunity to thank our mother’s and father’s for all their hard work in raising us.  Parenthood can sometimes be a thankless job- especially when we’re in the stage of diapers and sleepless nights- not to mention potty training!  But then there are the moments of first smiles, first words, first steps and first little voices that walk up to you to say “I love you, Mommy/Daddy”.  At some point these sweet voices turn to us and say “It’s not fair!” or “You’re so mean!”.  As I have entered in to adulthood I have come to appreciate all the sacrifices my parents made for me.  Each year Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gives me an opportunity to say “thank you”, not only for teaching me that life is not always fair and that a parent willing to say “no” is worth more than a parent who wants to be my friend, but for giving me life. 

Yesterday my boys- who are still on most days at the “I love you Mommy/Daddy” stage of life- made cards for Father’s Day.  They all sat together at the table making a huge mess of torn paper, crayons, markers and glue (that still needs to be cleaned up today!) all in an effort to tell their daddy how much they love him.  I too had the opportunity to express my thanks to him for being an amazing father to our boys by making him boeuf bourguignon from  my Julia Child “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” book -which happens to have been a requested Mother’s Day present. (I must say- it was worth the messy kitchen, work and wait!)  All the while I thought about all those parents out there who have lost a child to abortion.

Why do I say that they have lost a child to abortion?  It was their choice to have an abortion, right?  Well, whether you realize it or not, sometimes it was not their choice. 

Standing on the sidewalk on an abortion day is never an easy task.  In my case it’s not the women entering the abortion facility that upset me the most but instead the countless men I see outside struggling to have a choice in the future of their child.  So many times men are vilified as the perpetrator who had their fun and then left the mess for someone else to deal with. Unfortunately, sometimes this is true but often times though, this is not the case.   

In our country a man, who had an equal part in creating the child, has no choice in whether or not it is lost to abortion.  How many men have we witnessed standing outside an abortion office trying desperately to change their girlfriend or wife’s mind?  How many men have we witnessed calling and texting their child’s mother, in some cases even calling the police department, to get her to out of the abortion mill so that he can change her mind.  We hear so much in the pro abortion movement about the freedom of choice but where is the “choice” when it comes to father?  In truth, after the life has been created, there is no choice for him. 

More and more men are beginning to stand up and say “I have been hurt by abortion”.  We are now hearing from men saying “I regret my lost fatherhood”.  Some of these men pushed for an abortion and later regret it but some of them did not.  Most of them suffer in silence imagining the life they could have helped to raise.  I spoke with a man once who was crying as he talked about how he had envisioned himself teaching his son to play baseball in the park.  He was not a man who had a choice- the choice was made for him. 

It’s true that sometimes irresponsible decisions were made that led to the life that has been created,  but I keep coming back to one of the lessons my parents taught me- “two wrongs do not equal a right”.   

Abortion proponents will say that abortion is a “personal choice between a woman and her doctor”.  It takes two people to make a baby- where does the “personal choice” of the father come in to play?  It is my hope and prayer that more “suffering silent” men will come forward and work to have a voice in the “choice” for abortion with legislation in our country.   An often times used bible quote is that we must “speak for those who cannot speak for themselves”.   It’s important to remember that this quote not only includes the innocent life of a preborn baby, but also that of its father who’s voice was taken away by the “choice” of the woman.  

If you are a man in need of healing after an abortion, suffer no more in silence.  Seek out those who will help you to heal and enjoy your fatherhood on earth.  Take solace in the knowledge that your child is in heaven, praying and waiting for you to join him/her.  

If you are a man or woman who has taken the extraordinary leap into parenthood- planned or unplanned- Happy Father’s Day and Happy  late Mother’s Day!